Sammy's Time of the Month
by ImmaStartARiot
Summary: I wanted to torture Casey tonight because I needed this desperately. I do not apologize for this.


"CASEY WARREN ACOSTA, YOU GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO."

That's the first thing I hear when I walk through the door of our apartment. "I'm sorry…?"

Sammy walked up to me and shoved me against the walls roughly. "GIVE ME ONE REASON TO NOT MAKE YOUR STUPID ASS SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT."

"What? Sammy, I didn't do anything!"

Her lower lip jutted out and began to wobble as she whimpered softly. I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "Sammy? Sammy, I'm sorry, I just—what did I do!" I tried pulling her close, but she ripped herself from my grasp, glaring at me through her tears.

"YOU ATE THE LAST OF THE COOKIES, YOU PRICK."

"W-wha—"

"'HEY I'M CASEY ACOSTA AND I DON'T TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND'S FEELINGS IN REGARD WHEN IT COMES TO A DAMN COOKIE AND I LEAVE HAIR IN THE SHOWER DRAIN AND LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP AND FILL UP THE DVR WITH NURSE JACKIE EPISODES. WHO CARES IF IT INTERFERES WITH SAMMY'S SUPERNATURAL AND DOCTOR WHO EPISODES, I'M JUST AN ASSHOLE WHO USES A LOT OF HAIR CARE PRODUCTS AND BUYS TOO MUCH AXE COLOGNE.'" After she finished her tirade, she was red in the face, tears threatening to escape.

I approached her slowly, cautiously. "Are you okay, Sams? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I just—"

The tears broke free and ran down her face as a look of regret flashed through her face. "I'm sorry!" she sobbed. "I shouldn't have said that, Casey! I'm a terrible girlfriend!" Before I could assure her that it was fine, she ran into our room and I could hear the click of the lock.

I _would_ go comfort her before anything, but she seemed a bit unstable at the moment so I headed to the bathroom to clean my hair from the drain and lower the toilet seat, not ready for another Sammy Mental Breakdown.

That would be a really cool band name though. Is there a band called Mental Breakdown? Even Nervous Breakdown?

After pondering that for a few minutes, I went to the living room and deleted all of my _House _episodes to make room for Sammy's shows.

I do not watch Nurse Jackie.

It was House.

_Not Nurse Jackie._

I grabbed the spare key to our room from the kitchen and slowly went to unlock the door. Peering in carefully, I found Sammy hugging the wall.

"Sams?"

"GO AWAY," She yelled.

"What are you doing?"

She pulled away from the wall just far enough so that I could see that she was hugging a poster of Norman Reedus as Daryl Dixon in The Walking Dead. "I'm hugging my new lover. This is my new boyfriend BECAUSE MY EX BOYFRIEND IS AN INCONSIDERATE ASS AND DARYL/NORMAN WILL PROTECT ME FROM THE WALKERS."

I groaned tiredly and walked over to her, dragging her away from the piece of paper that stole my girlfriend. "Sammy, quit fucking around please?"

She laughed manically and retorted, "We're not even fucking yet. Me and Norman/Daryl I mean. You and I fucked waaay too many times. But you're an ass now, so I don't care."

"You can't be serious."

"I'm very serious. See what happens when you eat my cookie?" She ran out of my arms and out the door yelling, "I AM A SHADOWHUNTER. JACE, WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED MY STELE TO DRAW THE RUNES ON MY ARM."

I followed close behind so she didn't try to give herself ink poisoning by drawing on herself with a Sharpie. "Sammy…" I called halfheartedly.

"MY NAME IS NOT SAMMY. MY NAME IS MAXIMUM RIDE. I AM THE MAXIMUM RIDE."

"Yes, you are," I murmured.

Unfortunately, she heard me.

"WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A SEXUAL COMMENT? HUH? ANOTHER REASON TO ADD ON WHY YOU'RE THE WORST BOYFRIEND EVER."

"Ouch," I teased.

_Ouch. _I couldn't be that bad. I mean, there's still Chris Brown out there right? **(CAN I BE SUED FOR MAKING THIS JOKE?)**

"THIS IS WHY IMMA DATE FANG. FANG IS LIKE REALLY SEXY AND KNOWS WHEN TO SHUT UP."

"Aren't I sexy too?"

She squirmed uncomfortably for a few seconds before muttering, "Yeah, and I'm not pretty enough for you. ARE YOU GONNA MARRY ME JUST TO PUT A HUGE INSURANCE POLICY ON ME AND KILL ME?"

I sobered up immediately, "That's not true, Sammy. You're beautiful and I love you more than anything."

She leaned forward to kiss my nose and smiled slightly before yelling, "LIAR. YOU'RE A LIAR TOO. DICK."

I grabbed her by her shoulders and begged, "Will you please forgive me if I go out and buy more cookies?"

She sniffled loudly. "YOU DON'T GET IT." And she ran from the room again.

I swear, this woman is going to be the death of me.

I collapsed onto the couch and just laid there trying to collect my rational thoughts. When Sammy came in crying. She jumped onto the couch with me and curled up into a ball, nuzzling my chest.

Well, she wasn't trying to kill me. This was good.

"Ca-Casey!" she sobbed. "Albert Fish!"

"Who?"

She slapped my arm and shouted, "HOW CAN YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE?"

"I'm sorry! Sammy, I don't know who that is!"

"UGHH. OKAY SO HE WAS THIS PEDOPHILE DUDE WHO KIDNAPPED THIS LITTLE GIRL, WELL HE KIDNAPPED MORE BUT THIS LITTLE GIRL WAS THE REASON HE GOT CAUGHT BASICALLY. HE TOOK HER AND HE FUCKING ATE HER. THEN HE SENT THE PARENTS A NOTE THAT SAID WHAT HE DID TO HER. HE WANTED TO RAPE HER, BUT HE DIDN'T AND THE SICKO TOLD THEM SHE DIED A VIRGIN."

"…why did you tell me this?"

"BECAUSE I'M SCARED THAT HIS GHOST WILL COME RAPE ME AND EAT ME," she cried.

I rubbed her back reassuringly. "Shhh, I won't let that happen to you. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"DUMBASS, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS."

I screamed in exasperation. "What do you want from me?!"

A knock on the door sent me flying to go answer it. Anything so that Sammy didn't kill me. And thank God it was Marissa because I don't know what to do anymore. "Hey Casey, I needed to bring Sammy some—"

"BLESS YOUR SOUL, SHE'S TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE. PLEASE HELP ME."

She laughed.

She fucking laughed at my pain.

Seriously considering going gay right now…

"I'll be right back," she snickered.

I ran and hid in the bedroom, hiding under the covers in case Sammy came to eat me. After a few minutes, I heard the bedroom door open and close. A warm body slid in next to me, curling up to me lovingly. "Hi," Sammy whispered.

"Do you hate me?" I whispered back.

She laughed softly and pressed her lips to mine. "I love you so much. I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean any of that."

"Yeah…what exactly _was _that."

She sighed and responded, "I was quite literally a _bloody mess._"

"What?"

"I asked Marissa to buy me Midol, okay? I have my fucking period."

**A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cries hysterically* this wasn't the story idea I wanted to do by the way. This was something I wanted to do to cheer myself up. By torturing Casey.**

**But tonight I'll start my new story and hopefully have it up by the end of Columbus Day? Ideekay, I'll try for you guys.**

**But you better tell me what you thought okay because I'm very emotional right now and I might cry SO REVIEW YOUR ASSES OFF**


End file.
